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Hey Bourdain, Fuck You!
Actually, I'm a fan of your show "No Reservations", the self-deprecating humor, the respect for local culture. So why target you for a rant? Paula Dean, can't rag on an old lady with white hair. Rachel Ray, too easy. No Bourdain, you are the self-proclaimed bad-boy chef, the guy who sticks it to the establishment. Those who dish it surely must be capable of taking it up the ass.
Bend over and grab your ankles Bourdain. First point, your stupid ass jihad against the Food Network for its perceived sin of dumbing down the culinary art. What makes you any different from them or the other clowns on food TV? Guy Fieri tooling around America in a muscle car shoveling diner grease down his pie hole … and loving every friggin mouthful of it. Padma Lakshmi giving a sloppy blow job to a burger in a Hardees commercial. Adam Richman's complete debasement of the food experience by competitive eating his way across America (Man Versus Food). To watch Richman swallow his food whole with nary a bite, never really tasting any element of its preparation, must make every professional chef cringe. Paula Dean and Emeril packing each dish with as much butter, oil, sugar, and fat as they can lay their pudgy fingers upon. They are out to kill people IMHO.
What have those abominations to do with you Bourdain? Quote from No Reservations: "Oh my God, that was a religious experience, … In the words of Homer Simpson, the pig is a magical animal." Quote from Kitchen Confidential relating to your epiphany as a boy on the Queen Mary eating Vichyssoise for the first time--"My first indication that food was something other than a substances one stuffed in one's face when hungry--like filling up at a gas station."
Food is not spiritual nor mystical. Mysticism is the art of piercing the veil that separates us from the spiritual realm. Your epiphany on the Queen Mary was self-delusion. It's all hash--protein, fat, spices concocted as fuel for the bodily vessel that imprisons the noble soul. Food is the antithesis of spiritual. Bourdain, in glorifying the pseudo alchemy of cooking you become part of the problem. These shows are food porn for the TV, you, Rachel Ray, Bobby Flay, Paula Dean, Mario Batali, et alia. The lot are engaged in the sickening, debasing worship of the craft of food preparation. You spew invective against those who, in your eyes, fail in proper performance of the religious ritual of cooking. I'll agree with you on one point, the culinary art is a religion no different than Catholicism or Judaism or Islam. All are spiritually bankruptcy and a hindrance to true spiritual growth. That which excites the senses (food, sex, drugs, pornography, graphic violence, money, power, fame) have nothing at all to do with the spirit. The spirit != flesh. Spirit is literal absence of flesh. In fact, flesh imprisons the spirit. "It is in dying that we are born to eternal life." Prayer of St. Francis. If you don't understand what that means, just return to your oozing plate of pork and forget the whole fucking thing.
JJR
5-6-2009
(Commentary)
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